The Adult Child Syndrome

What exactly is an adult child? Is he a miniaturized adult who somehow never crossed the border from childhood? Was his maturity and development somehow stunted? Does he behave differently? What could have caused all of this to begin with?

“The term ‘adult child’ is used to describe adults who grew up in alcoholic or dysfunctional homes and who exhibit identifiable traits that reveal past abuse or neglect,” according to the “Adult Children of Alcoholics” textbook (World Service Organization, 2006, p. xiii).

“(It) means that we respond to adult interactions with the fear and self-doubt learned as children,” it continues (p. 3). “The undercurrent of hidden fear can sabotage our choices and relationships. We can appear outwardly confident while living with a constant question of our worth.”

But it is much more than this. Home, as is often said, is where the heart is, but in those of adult children there was most likely little heart, when “heart” is defined as “love.”

Self-worth and -esteem result from parental warmth, nurture, respect, clearly defined limits and boundaries, and, above all, love, yet adult children received fewer of these qualities than they needed. Whether their parents were alcoholic, dysfunctional, or abusive people, or they exhibited this behavior without the liquid substance because they themselves were exposed to it during their own upbringings, their children fielded, reacted to, and just downright survived it without choice, recourse, defense, or protection.

Despite advancing age, they all share the same inadequate, anxiety-based feelings which force them into lonely and isolated exile, cut off from the world, but very much suffering in the one they were forced to create in their minds. Suspended in time, their negative and inferior self-feelings, image, and beliefs neither unravel nor die out until and unless recovery intervention methods arrest their downward spiral.

The severity of their home environments is sometimes subtle, but not to be underestimated and not entirely conveyable to those who were never exposed to them by words alone.

“Being home was like being in hell,” according to Janet Geringer Woititz in her book, “Adult Children of Alcoholics” (Health Communications, 1983, p. 9). “The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The nervous, angry feeling was in the air. Nobody had to say a word, as everybody could feel it… There was no way to get away from it, no place to hide… ”

Although they felt physically and emotionally alone, their thoughts, emotions, fears, feelings, and impairments were and are shared by approximately 28 million other adult children in the United States alone-or one in every eight-yet they never identified themselves as belonging to this group if they had even heard of the term.

Exposed, from an early age, to detrimental behavior and often fighting to survive it, they paradoxically attributed it to their own inadequacies and unloveability, unknowingly causing the rewire of their brains to do so, which ultimately impaired their functioning and arrested their development.

In the mostly unlikely event that their parents expunged themselves from their own denial, took responsibility for their damaging behavior, and explained the origin of it, their offspring quickly accepted this abnormality as “normal.” Because they felt so different and defective, why would they divulge this secret about themselves that they desperately tried to conceal from others?

A child determines who he is by the input of the significant people around him. Initially, he finds out who he is by what other people say to him and he internalizes these messages.

“Messages,” however, are not just shelved thoughts, but painful, buried feelings.
You are not willing to acknowledge the intensity of feelings that children are bound to have when the bond between them and their parents is threatened.

And that bond may be the first thing that breaks them and interrupts their development toward adulthood.

Although they may have made transformative adjustments and Herculean efforts to survive parents whose betraying, harmful behavior was fueled by alcoholic toxins, they attempted to manage and decipher irrationality and emerged as physically identifiable adults, but did so with frightened inner children who viewed the world the way it was portrayed in their homes-of-origin.

Because they learned what they lived, as do all children, they saw others through unresolved wounds and adopted distorted realities, believing that their parents were representatives of them and were left with little choice but to pursue their paths with distrust and survival-augmenting traits and characteristics, never having understood why they were so treated nor having emotionally extricated themselves from the circumstances.

“Adult children of alcoholics… are especially vulnerable to the pull of past experiences and past survival tactics,” wrote Emily Marlin in “Hope: New Choices and Recovery Strategies for Adult Children of Alcoholics” (Harper and Row Publishers, 1987, pp. xiii-xiv). “Many of us came to function as adults under the painful influences of the families in which we were raised. Often, we continue to be plagued with feelings of hurt, anger, fear, humiliation, sadness, shame, guilt, shyness, being different, confusion, unworthiness, isolation, distrust, anxiety, and depression.”

She emphasizes how yesterday’s environment influences today’s view.

Too often, children who grew up in unhappy homes fall into the habit of viewing the world today in the same bleak way of yesterday.

So pinned to this past can they become, that there is sometimes difficulty in differentiating it from the present.

Our memories of the past are often so strong and painful, that the slightest association can take us back to these troubled, unhappy times-and we think that a similar situation in the present is going to have the same old results.

Frozen incidents, abuses, feelings, and wounds further ensure that they remain emotionally mired at their points of creation, despite what their physical ages may say to the contrary. If defrosted, they may fear an avalanche, ultimately fearing their fear and resulting, at times, in child-like behavior, further pinning them to their pasts.

No matter what our age, no matter how terrible our rage, we never really leave home. And, as many adult children of alcoholics know only too well, we cannot escape our families simply by creating physical or emotional distance.

Indeed, because of ill-defined boundaries, the internalization of their parents, and their unresolved negative emotions, they take them with them. They are inside of them now as much as they had been outside of them then.

Yet they may not know this until reactions, fears, and their inability to optimally function alert them when they allegedly enter the adult phase of their lives.

Growing up in the highly stressful environment of an alcoholic family creates wounds that often go underground. When they emerge later in life, it isn’t easy to connect these wounds with their real source.

Part of this dilemma stems from the denial they were forced to adopt to minimize the danger to which they were routinely exposed.

Adult children of alcoholics have to avoid being fully aware of the potential explosiveness of their parent’s alcoholism in order to maintain some semblance of normalcy in their daily lives.

Surviving a childhood such as this results in numerous behavioral manifestations, the first of which is defining what normalcy even is.

Adult children of alcoholics guess at which normal is. They simply have no experience with it.

That their experience was “abnormal” was never acknowledged, since no one gave even a nod toward, much less explanation of, the volatile, sometimes damaging enactments that played out in their homes.

While “normal” may not be a mathematical formula or distinct set of rules, its common denominator in healthy families is the love that emotionally binds its members together, while denial in unhealthy ones is the one that tears them apart.
Because the former was often absent, they may seek this normalcy later in life by observing and then attempting to imitate others they believe portray it.

But as long as you are choosing actions and feelings to reflect what you imagine to be normal, your experience can never be beyond feeling as if you are normal.

They may, however, achieve academy award statuses as actors.

Many adult children of alcoholics, even some of those in deep denial, are aware of a strange split within themselves between how competent they may look on the outside and how much of a loss they feel internally.

Although they may not know that their feelings are different from those of others, they usually realize that the behavior of others does not seem to reflect the feelings they have and consequently may subtly and subconsciously begin to suspect that theirs are different.

Another manifestation of the adult child syndrome is distrust. Having lived in an unstable, unsafe, and unpredictable environment in which psychological, emotional, mental, and physical abuse was most likely administered with almost routine regularity, and having had their trust betrayed by the very parents who should have most been there to protect them, they learned to negotiate the world in a distrusting, sometimes hypervigilant state.

Growing up in combat zones makes children very self-protective. Our survival depended upon our ability to react first and think later. We often had to remove ourselves from dangerous situations. After growing up, we are likely to continue reacting quickly. Not being able to trust people put us on the defensive.

Following well-worn neuropathways and filtering people and situations through the primitive brain’s amygdala, which controls a person’s fight or flight response, adult children subconsciously transpose their childhood circumstances to those of their adult ones, having no reason to doubt that, if their “loving” caregivers treated them in such detrimental manners, that those in the outside world who have far less invested in them will assuredly do the same

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Adult Business Woes: The Problems of Setting up an Adult Content Site

As with any other business, the adult industry is not without its problems. Beginnings are always tough for any new endeavor. If you plan on starting your own adult site, you may want to consider the following problems that new adult merchants encounter.

1.The ever-tightening law belt against adult-related content – Law enforcement agencies have knuckled down on protecting younger Internet users from exposure to content deemed immoral. Some laws have also been laid down for what’s good for consumption of the general public and what’s not. For instance, the Child Online Protection Act of 1998 makes it illegal for adult site owners to post child pornography, at least in the United States. While the existing laws may not necessarily be able to cover your particular brand of adult content, it cannot be denied that it has had a certain ripple effect throughout the industry. One way to deal with this hindrance to success is simply to know what’s legal and what’s not. Do not risk limiting your goods and services to a genre that may be banned in countries that are major target markets.

2.Hosting limitations – Most web hosts have a contingency against adult-related sites, mostly because they don’t want adult material on their servers. Two other things that go against adult website operators in this context is their demand for high bandwidth and disk space to cover the site’s high traffic, high volume streaming and media-rich content. If you are looking for a host, make sure to get one that will be able to cover both requirements. While some mainstream hosts are willing to work with adult site owners, they may not understand the business as in depth as an industry-specific host could.

3.Difficulty in acquiring an adult merchant account – Perhaps the toughest problem to overcome, acquiring a merchant account can be a time-consuming and difficult process for the adult merchant. First among the things to contend with would be the killer rates. As adult businesses are considered high risk account, they are often subjected to sky-high fees. The best solution to this problem would be to find a payment processor catering specifically to the adult industry. One example would be AdultMerchantPay. This particular online payment processor offers low-cost accounts with no upfront fees. An adult merchant account service provider would also understand the need of the adult merchant for optimum security and should be able to provide this with an advance technology payment gateway.

4.Lack of compelling content available- Webmasters of adult sites are always looking for something fresh and something new. While many sites offer good content, what you should be looking for in a supplier is: 1) variety; 2) original content; and 3) the legal stuff. As previously mentioned, not all content is deemed legal. So aside from looking for the good stuff, make sure you are dealing with the legal ones as well.

5.Market satiated with free products and services – To say that the competition in the adult world is tight is an understatement. There are hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of adult content websites out there. Why should the average consumer pay for your services and goods when a glut of free online adult entertainment content can easily be accessed online? The answer to this problem may be less complex than you think. Offer a service that is different from what everyone else out there has. Focusing on your own niche is the best way to get your audience to be loyal subscribers.

One thing to remember when starting an adult site: With the right mix of marketing savvy, great content and old-fashioned hard work, your adult website can, and most likely will, succeed. While other entertainment businesses may suffer from an economic roller coaster, the adult industry will feel nary a sting from the ups and downs of a country’s financial state. The reason is obvious, access to online adult content is easier to acquire than any other entertainment venue (say movies, plays or fine dining). Adult sites are only a click away and subscriptions to a site will last longer than what a consumer gets when paying for dinner and a movie.

Aside from having accessibility on its side, the probability of its success is also driven by the consistently high demand for adult-related material. Thousands of subscribers keep the industry afloat by continuing to pay big bucks on a recurring basis. So make sure you have original, eye-popping content that is within the legal boundaries of your target market. Get a host that can cater to your specific needs and an adult merchant account provider that will ensure you get paid for all your troubles.

Jessica Gables is a traveling journalist and author of numerous articles published in travel and hotel service sites, television programs and print materials. She is also a large contributor of articles to various online resource sites such as [http://www.adultmerchantpay.com] garnering the reputation of being a trusted author on various topics. She has a background in photography, videography, pre- and post-production and online affiliate marketing.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

The Real ADHD Symptoms in Adults

When discussing Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in adults, it is important to remember that symptoms exhibit themselves differently in children and adults. The disorder typically manifests itself more subtly in adults, making diagnosis and treatment relatively rare. One marker of ADHD in adults, however, is the widely accepted understanding that it cannot develop in adults.

Researchers now know that approximately 60% of children with ADHD will carry their symptoms into adulthood. In the United States, fully 4% of the adult population, some 8 million people, suffer to some extent from the symptoms of ADHD. Of those who do continue to have symptoms into adulthood, approximately half will be significantly troubled by them. Unfortunately, many children with ADHD are not diagnosed. When symptoms appear in previously undiagnosed adults, they can be bewildered and perplexed by their own actions and moods, often blaming themselves for their perceived inadequacies and limitations.

The causes of ADHD are not well understood. Current research suggests that both genes and environmental issues, such as alcohol and tobacco use during pregnancy, each have their role to play. Mention ADHD in children and the image that most frequently comes to mind is that of the hyperactive kid bouncing off the walls. As the child reaches adulthood, that type of behavior subsides a bit. It is replaced, however, by other, more difficult to discern symptoms. The young adult is faced with new obligations and responsibilities. Life makes new demands, requiring a juggling act to keep all the balls in the air. This is difficult for everyone. We all feel overwhelmed from time to time, but someone with adult ADHD finds it challenging most of the time, and frequently impossible.

ADHD symptoms in adults are generally divided into three categories – distractibility, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. Distractibility is defined as the inability to focus on a project or task for a significant amount of time. Impulsivity is defined as the inability to control immediate reactions. Hyperactivity is defined as fidgeting and restlessness, and an inability to sit still.

Distractibility is generally thought to be the least bothersome of the three broad categories of symptoms, at least outwardly. Adults who suffer from them, however, can find them quite disruptive. Those who exhibit symptoms in this category may:

• find it challenging to focus on everyday tasks
• find completely irrelevant sights and sounds distracting
• careen from one task to another and are bored easily
• lack focus, leading to lack of attention to detail
• are chronically late
• lack organizational skills
• find it difficult or troublesome to begin or finish tasks
• forget deadlines, appointments and commitments frequently
• procrastinate
• misplace or lose things, such as keys, constantly
• struggle to complete even simple projects
• fail to reasonably estimate the time necessary to complete a project

Impulsivity issues can be quite troubling for an adult with ADHD. They frequently have difficulty maintaining control over their comments, reactions, and behavior. They’ll typically act or speak without thinking. They’ll react without considering the consequences of their actions. Such behavior can lead them into risky situations. At work, they’ll rush into a project without reading the directions, often leading to errors and only partial completion of the task.

Emotional issues can also arise from impulsivity. Adults with impulsivity issues may find it difficult to control emotions. Feelings of anger and frustration are often a particular challenge for the adult with ADHD.

Those adults who manifest symptoms in this category may:

• behave inappropriately in social situations
• be addicted or have addictive tendencies
• rush into situations without giving any thought to the consequences
• often have poor self-control
• make comments, even when rude or questionable
• interrupt or talk over someone else
• be moody and irritable
• be unable to handle criticism
• have explosive bouts of anger which are quickly forgotten
• have low self-esteem
• lack motivation
• be unable to deal with frustration
• have a sense of underachievement

Hyperactivity in adults may express itself in ways similar to its appearance in children. The adult may be in perpetual motion, overly energetic and constantly on the move. However, as mentioned above, the symptoms are usually more subtle in adults. People who exhibit symptoms of hyperactivity may:

• feel inwardly restless and agitated
• be risk takers
• bore easily
• fidget constantly
• have a need for excitement
• talk far too much

Symptoms of hyperactivity occur far less in adults than they do in children. It is important to note, however, that adults who have one or more symptoms of impulsivity or distractibility may still have ADHD, even if they are not hyperactive. Unlike its role in childhood ADHD, where it appears to be a frequent indicator, it is not necessary to be hyperactive to suffer from adult ADHD.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

The First Habit of Highly Effective Adult ADHD Treatment – Be Proactive

In 1989 Steven Covey wrote and published “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” which is a self-help manual of 7 simple, yet powerful steps for personal improvement. Millions have used these timeless principles to improve themselves for the better. This article will explore how someone who has been diagnosed with adult ADHD/ADD (or knows someone who has been diagnosed) can begin to use these habits to enhance their adult ADHD treatment and journey to wellness. This exercise is not a replacement for reading “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” nor is it a replacement for professional adult ADHD treatment, but a supplementary exercise to propel a “good” treatment into a highly effective adult ADHD treatment.

Steven Covey on his personal website shares that the first habit is “Be Proactive.” What does it mean to “Be Proactive”?

Steven Covey writes:
“Habit 1: Be Proactive is about taking responsibility for your life. You can’t keep blaming everything on your parents or grandparents. Proactive people recognize that they are “response-able.” They don’t blame genetics, circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. They know they choose their behavior. Reactive people, on the other hand, are often affected by their physical environment. They find external sources to blame for their behavior. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn’t, it affects their attitude and performance, and they blame the weather. All of these external forces act as stimuli that we respond to. Between the stimulus and the response is your greatest power-you have the freedom to choose your response. One of the most important things you choose is what you say. Your language is a good indicator of how you see yourself. A proactive person uses proactive language-I can, I will, I prefer, etc. A reactive person uses reactive language-I can’t, I have to, if only. Reactive people believe they are not responsible for what they say and do-they have no choice.”

First, the adult with ADHD is encouraged to take responsibility for his/her life and adult ADHD treatment. This should not be thought of as a punishment or negative judgment upon the individual, because a common symptom of adults with ADHD is negative self-esteem. The adult with ADHD more than likely already feels ashamed of his/her behavior so it must be made perfectly clear that these statements are taken as positive and uplifting reinforcement and not another lecture of words to tear down. It is hoped that this positive encouragement reverberate with such intensity that that it will be able to keep internal and external negative reinforcement at bay.

It is easy to blame others for our shortcomings. Some of this blame is actually true, however adults with ADHD need to come to grips with this condition and say to themselves, “This is the way I am but I am going to have to deal with it regardless of where it came from”. Life is not fair but we must continue to move on to improve in life. Proactive ADHD people can be “response-able.” Adults with ADHD do have the freedom to choose their response even in the midst of negative surroundings. They may say to themselves, “I cannot change – it’s so hard. I am not responsible for the mess I am in and I am not the one responsible for getting me out..”

Second, adults with ADHD are encouraged to discover what they can control and what they have little or no control over. People can (generally) control the outcome of their health, behavior, body language, conversation, thoughts, children, etc. People have very little or no control over other people’s beliefs, the weather, the traffic, other people’s attitudes, other people’s ethics, other people’s emotions, other people’s parenting, and other people’s vote, etc. It is true that we may be concerned about traffic, weather, politics, attitudes, feelings, social condition, terrorism, etc, and we may have a little influence on these things, but not in a major or significant way.

Regardless of the method of adult ADHD treatment, adults with ADHD are encouraged to begin working on the things they can actually control. Adults with ADHD have the same areas of influence as everyone else. There are three specific areas the adult with ADHD should ADDress: (1) Behavior, (2) Health, and (3) Time. Therefore, the adult with ADHD should ask, “How Can I Control My Behavior?”, “How Can I Control My Health?”, and “How Can I Control My Time?”

Finally, this exercise may quickly overwhelm persons with ADHD and they may feel so paralyzed that they feel like “being proactive” is a dream and not a realistic expectation. However the truth is that they can be proactive! The adult with ADHD is encouraged to understand that being proactive is not a destination, it is a habit developed one day at a time, one moment at a time. For adults with ADHD, when positive reinforcement does not come from within, they are encouraged ask for help starting with friends, family, and significant others. In reality, to ask for help is a proactive task. For the adult with ADHD, your first step may be to ask for help. The second step may be to continue asking and seeking for help until a healthy answer is received. A third step may be to continue seeking until visible changes are seen. For the person who has a significant other who is or may be suffering from adult ADHD, your first step may be one of proactive encouragement.

In summary, regardless of the method of adult ADHD treatment, the first step begins with practicing the habit of being proactive. Keep practicing!

Todd Butler is a husband and father who was himself diagnosed with Adult ADHD a number of years ago. He shares his insights as to what has helped him along the way and what he believes you should be aware of and avoid. His website [http://www.adult-adhd-treatments.com] is a portal that explores a number of adult adhd treatments ranging from traditional treatment plans to alternative and exploratory treatment plans. He encourages his readers with fresh insights and helpful resources from a variety of people to encourage you in the road to wellness.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Adult Acne Treatments and Other Acne Solutions

One of the biggest acne-related myths is that after you are through puberty and your teenage years, it is impossible to develop facial acne; this statement could not be further from the truth. Unfortunately, adult acne is becoming more of an epidemic than it has been in the past. It is estimated that roughly one in every four adults [in the United States] suffer from adult acne. It generally is more of a widespread problem among female adults in comparison to males, but both sexes can be plagued with unwanted facial pimples.

Just because someone is an adult, doesn’t mean that acne becomes easy to deal with. In fact, a number of factors including: hereditary acne-links, hygiene, stress, and diet can contribute to the development of facial acne in adults. Fortunately, there are many great acne solutions available to treat adult acne. Acne solutions are most effective if suggested by a dermatologist due to the fact that they have much experience with acne treatment. If you are an adult, do not be ashamed to seek out a dermatologist for acne help.

Many dermatologists will be able to get the skin of acne-troubled adults looking clear within a matter of weeks. Treatment methods to eliminate adult acne may include taking an oral acne-medication, birth control pills (for women), and utilizing a prescription acne face wash. There’s no saying which treatment method will be most effective due to the fact that all acne treatments affect people differently. What may work for one of your friends or co-workers, may not be the best acne solution for you.

For adults that don’t have the time or money to seek out a dermatologist, it may be beneficial to buy an over-the-counter form of acne skin cream or face wash. There are many effective acne products that have been proven to work especially well for minor to moderate cases of adult acne. For most adults, it is a matter of doing a little experimentation to figure out what works best for their face.

If you are an adult struggling with acne or know someone who could benefit from an acne treatment product, don’t be afraid to let them know. Everyone wants to have clear skin and look sexy – including adults. Don’t let the development of adult acne lead you to believe that there is no hope for treatment. There are plenty of great ways to get adult facial acne treated; it’s just a matter of taking the action to test some.

You are not going to find a set of miracle acne solutions on the internet no matter how many search-engine searches you perform, so stop looking! If you want to clear up your adult-acne as soon as possible, you need to start testing things like: face washes, a healthier diet, dermatologist recommendations, and stress reduction techniques – just to name a few. If you keep moping around the house wishing that there was some way to cure your adult acne, you’re never going to make any progress with the treatment.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

How Does Adult Education Works

Adult education provides adults with a better quality of education and an improved standard of living in this society. This form of education can be continued at any stage of your life. It helps people continue their education and they can be graduated with the help of nation’s various adult education centers. It ensures people to survive in a better way in these competitive societies. Adult education and literacy programs are usually funded through federal grants in most of the states.

The Division of Adult Education and Literacy (DAEL) helps Americans improve their life standards by helping them in giving a high quality of education. It helps people survive in this much competitive society and improves their employment opportunities. National Assessment of Adult Literacy (NAAL) is another center which ensures adults to continue their education at any stage.

Office of Vocational and Adult Education (OVAE) regulates several adult educational programs for adults which provide quality education. The credit diploma program in adult education program is similar to attending the high school. Interactive technology of learning through video-conferencing or online-based learning is also available. Adult education programs are in variety and one can avail different forms and features by accessing social services. Technological and career exploration can be developed through these programs.

In general, adult education program works by providing many features like Adult Basic Education (ABE) which includes computer literacy, numerical study, family literacy, and correctional education with workplace basic skills. The National Association of Manufacturers helps in English fluency for the immigrants along with the Department of Education. NAAL also provides adult education, coordination, and project planning, along with offering intensive technical support to six different states guiding adult education and workforce training.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off